I am in Seattle for the AWP conference, and I signed up months ago with a different sensibility entirely. No: a different life entirely. Everything shook and I have spent weeks, months, two-thirds of a year in a heady delve down into the deepest hardness my family has ever known. I have been plunged into the wondrous emotional lives of so many children, my own, my those-I-love, children who make me cry and laugh and dream of what worlds we have to come. There are so many children, so many parents, so many challenges in my life right now and all I have done is struggle tearfully and joyously and with great pains in my back and in the pit of my belly and oh how my heart aches from how much love I give and receive.
I am a new self and this will have to be a new magazine. Not changed in mission or content or the commitment to sharing the real stories of parents; not in our embracing of print and a serious desire to pay writers; but a magazine with a different sense of certainty and a new editorial team.
Seattle, for me, is a chance to plan and re-invest. I’ve retreated and my team has retrenched. I, today, this week, am re-engaging, and will be updating this post and site as I develop my plan for bringing the fifth issue of the magazine to press and develop the editorial mix and makeup of future issues.
I have the deepest apologies for the writers and readers who have held on so long and those who have given up on me. I’m sorry. If you only knew how sorry I am.
It’s not easy to believe in me right now but it is easy to believe in the power of stories. If nothing else I will continue to invest in those and do whatever I can to bring them to you.